smush

Because now gets ruined. Because it gets tainted with ifs and maybes and finicky i don't knows. Which is perfectly fine cause logically i understand it. In a fucked-up, cosmically-challenged, metaphorical way it makes sense. Until it doesn't. Until this very actual moment. Until when my soul just lies intoxicated on the floor, while this room gets filled up with so many people. So many but barely people.
It just stays still. Waiting for a now that doesn't exist. Keeping me awake just in case it might come up. It won't silly! So i'll selfishly erase this universe. Because if it's not there when i want it, it should not be at all.
Because this time, I'll ruin it.

sleeping pills 2.0

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.”


“Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That's part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that's where I imagine it - there's a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you'll live forever in your own private library.”

“A certain type of perfection can only be realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect.”

“Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream. You keep on moving, trying to sleep through it. But even if you go to the ends of the earth, you won't be able to escape it. Still, you have to go there- to the edge of the world. There's something you can't do unless you get there.”

Haruki Murakami - Kafka on the Shore

sleeping pills

“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.”

Jonathan Safran Foer - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

yandere

My lines are mine to own though they seem a bit blurred at times. I do that because i'm curios so i leave them at home sometimes in my little drawer next to a pair of penguin socks. I roam around freely into your world being amazed by all that you created. Seems like a little city all fashioned to work by itself and exactly in the middle i find you, all wrapped up in some glue trying to fix up the cracks of some house. You start explaining that it still needs finishing touches that is why you work all day long at it. We walk along the streets and you explain to me how naive i can be and how i should be done with my graceless heart. Cut it out and just restart. I can have all of this as well! I listen and i take notes. Well of course i would listen. Just look at all the amazing things you have surrounded yourself with. We laugh, we stare, we shut up and we lie. We're perfect like that. i like our fakeness cause i know it keeps us alive. People think that we're ugly but i somehow think that we're beautiful. I thank you for the tour and you graceously show me out.
As i reach back, i put my peguin socks on and redraw my lines. I leave a blank spot just in case you might come by but as i wake up in the morning you never do so i just close it back up again. Walk around and see you from afar pouring glue on new cracks. I smile and I think that maybe my lines would need some remodeling as well. You see me go along and think that you should buy more glue for tonight. Maybe tonight I'm going to actually hear your screams.

Later edit : movie marathons, blanky(z + purrito style), calimocho, icky bunk bed/ awesome double bed, icky morning liiiiight, laughter, geekiness, awckwardness, fighting on stupid things, spam on fb, too many documentaries, black, plans to destroy the world/take over it, pancake day is everyday, stolen glances make perfect carpet burns, mirror in behaviour, lotr - rampage in reading, hp, messed up (make up, life), lazy days, ignoring, too much or too little, never enough, damned if we do and damned if we don't, playing with our ghouls, tiaras.
/
Being with her I feel a pain, like a frozen knife stuck in my chest. An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm thankful for it. It's like that frozen pain and my very existence are one.
The pain is an anchor, mooring me here.

intrigue

your smell is blue. i can feel it all over my skin so i take the grater and peel it from within.

i reach my bones and just to see the burns caused by your touch. i remember grievously your clutch.

these scratches can tell the longest story that brings shivers down my spine with every second back in time

and when the clock goes faster by the night, my life is my life still by fright

because suns go down and up again and my fear from you begins to stain.

i feed on such levity and do think that it suits me well. and then i smile and remember the color of your smell.

humanitarian intervention

-You can't fool me. You've gotta free yourself of this burden. Realease it. Let it all hang out.

-My mother was a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am unwilling or unable to form a committed long-term relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have more or less redefined promiscuity doesn't help, much. As a result, I've lost the two people in my life that mean most to me.

-There. Don't you feel better?

-No. But i'm sure you do.

black mambo

spilled coffee

I love how people focus on wars against crime, wars against drugs, wars against poverty etc . Why don't you focus on promoting peace, healthy living styles and social welfare programs? I do agree that you have to understand the key issue at hand primarily but most of the time it just stops there and it's a continuous vicious cycle that just puts the accent only on that specific thing not its solving.
Saying 'Romania is a shitty country', as most Romanians do, doesn't change it. Actually, it's you that's being shitty by saying that. Next time don't judge the lady at the counter 'cause she took far too long. Maybe you would've done it in twice that time.

I'm not promoting a new text version of kumbaya. I'm just saying this: remember that shitty world that you hate so much? Eh, you're part of it too.
It's so easy to stay on the bars and judge. People like to consider themselves innocent bystanders in this cruel, cruel world. Some people actually suffer in this world but are more prone in finding a solution to that suffering then the people that aren't. You take your rights for granted while for example in Indonesia women are beaten/+ raped to death by their own husbands 'cause they feel like it.
Be grateful for what you have, be aware of the problems in the world/your country and be active in finding and promoting solutions.