Failing at life

Eu ma rup de mine si scriu acum.

I really feel the need to write about some things although maybe nobody will really listen or understand. I’m feeling them burning me out. This was the year of shallowness, egoism and hatred, for me, and for many of the people that were around me. Everybody complains when something bad happens to them but how many really stop to rationalize it? We don’t! We prefer the cheaper sister that is on half price on the top shelf and that is: hatred. Because you really try to understand what happened (only from your dramatically point of view) and because you don’t find a solution, that does not include yourself making a mistake (and God forbid, that is never the case, is it?) you start to hate, passionately I must add.

Sadly, in life, it’s all about action and reaction. I was one of the ‘bad’ guys and because of that, I can still hear in my mind some words full of hatred that I said or were said to me, like a really bad soap opera. I deserved them because all in all, as I said, in life it’s all about action and reaction and that was the reaction of me being a complete selfish, shallow and self-centered person. Oh yes, the 3 big S-s. Well, I really don’t know how somebody else would have cope with it, maybe better, maybe worse and my reasons were purely being hurt and scared in the past. When you’re hurt, you don’t think at all. You just act and you do so many horrible things and the worst part is that you do them to people that don’t deserve it at all. You use people, you mock, you lie, you cheat and you smile at the same time. Because that’s what being hurt and immature is all about.

Sometimes you really need to get your ego smashed just to see yourself. But the problem with this ego and hate thingies is that people tend to become more dramatic and more self-centered believing in fact that they were actually the victims and all sort of gibberish about how they are such better persons, not even for a moment thinking that they could have any kind of role in this mumbo-jumbo situation that they are in. Things happen with the speed of light sometimes and this is a message in a ‘bottle’ to all the lost ships out there, for the ones that are hurting or the ones that were hurt. Don’t let the drama get to you; do you really want to remember that you were pissed and miserable in any period of your life without any real reason, just your lack of self confidence? Don’t hate anyone because it only makes you an uglier person and believe me dear ‘classmates’ it shows and it’s sad. It consumes you as a person and if you could spend half of the time you hate with something else, I guarantee you would ace that subject/field/ thing.

Try to understand that in life things are fair, the right amount of chances are coming your way and it’s only up to you what you make of them and don’t try to victimize yourself just for the sake of being important or trying to get somebody to come around and put the pieces back together. You should do that in your on time and the real power is in your will, seeing the things that really matter in life and realizing how much time you spend on so many f***ing stupid things.

This post was called failing at life because I really believe that the concept of being successful in life is to be truly happy with yourself and proud of what you are, what you have accomplished and the people that are around you. In a weird way, I’m glad that I experienced very awful moments, just to get here, to think like this and to really see myself for the person that I was and that I want to be. I hope you know that you’re responsible for this and from the heart I’m saying one big Thank you for all that you have offered and done for me. You were my warmth, my rock and true friend. This is the closest way for me to say that I’m sorry and a swan. Creepy smile.

Eu ma rup de mine si plec acum.