thankyou

truth

This is ..what happens to other people. You see it on the news, you know? Give it ..what..30 seconds of your time? Shake your head, go back to whatever stupid thing you where doing..washing dishes or putting away laundry. You never think it's gonna happen to you.

yes no maybe so.

To think of him in the middle of the day lifts me out of ordinary living.

Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1: 1931-1934

confessions

I only kissed you 'cause I was drunk. I went along with it 'cause people told me I can't. I care much less then you think I do. I lied more than you.

home is wherever i'm with you

We’re not going to do this. I can’t share. I can’t catch up with you. I can’t talk. Because if I did…I would fall apart, and I don’t have time to fall apart. It’s not that I’m not happy to see you; I am. But I wish that you would go home so that the choice to talk and fall apart would go away.

smush

Because now gets ruined. Because it gets tainted with ifs and maybes and finicky i don't knows. Which is perfectly fine cause logically i understand it. In a fucked-up, cosmically-challenged, metaphorical way it makes sense. Until it doesn't. Until this very actual moment. Until when my soul just lies intoxicated on the floor, while this room gets filled up with so many people. So many but barely people.
It just stays still. Waiting for a now that doesn't exist. Keeping me awake just in case it might come up. It won't silly! So i'll selfishly erase this universe. Because if it's not there when i want it, it should not be at all.
Because this time, I'll ruin it.

sleeping pills 2.0

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.”


“Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That's part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that's where I imagine it - there's a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you'll live forever in your own private library.”

“A certain type of perfection can only be realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect.”

“Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream. You keep on moving, trying to sleep through it. But even if you go to the ends of the earth, you won't be able to escape it. Still, you have to go there- to the edge of the world. There's something you can't do unless you get there.”

Haruki Murakami - Kafka on the Shore

sleeping pills

“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.”

Jonathan Safran Foer - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close